Dear Buddy: You Said Cats CAN’T Get Coronavirus!

Dear Buddy,

I’m curious what your response is now that we know cats can get Coronavirus. You thought you were so smart with your “investigation” linking it to Corona beer and insisting only humans could get it.

What do you have to say for yourself now?

– Told Ya in Toledo

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Dear Told Ya,

Nonsense! We are immune. We don’t drink Corona because we’re cats, therefore we can’t get Corona Virus. It really shouldn’t be that difficult for you to understand.

– Buddy

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Dear Buddy,

You big dummy! The virus isn’t spread through beer, it’s spread through contact with sick humans. You can get it, I can get it, any cat can get it.

– Said So in San Francisco

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Dear Said So,

Nonsense! You don’t have any evidentiary materials proving such alarmist allegations!

I am immune to Coronavirus because I am a big, powerful tiger. So even if common cats like you can get it, you’re weaklings and I have big muscles.

– Buddy the Beast

Dear Buddy,

Oh really? Is that why a tiger in the Bronx Zoo tested positive for COVID-19, and three lions at the same zoo might have it?

Wait…Isn’t that where you live, in New York not far from the Bronx Zoo? Just a few miles from what I recall.

What say you now, “tiger”?

– Said So in San Francisco

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Dear Buddy,

Did you get my last message? Still waiting.

– Said So

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Dear Buddy,

Unbelievable. After talking all that crap, you disappear? Typical!

– Said So

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Dear Said So,

Buddy went into hiding under my bed three days ago and hasn’t emerged since. He said he’s “distance socializing.” I’ve had to slide his meals and water to him under the bed because he won’t come out.

It’s been difficult to get a word out of him, which is highly unusual for a cat who typically won’t shut up, but I have overheard him muttering something like “OMG even the tigers, even the tigers! Don’t think about that. You are handsome and young and you have big muscles. You are handsome and young and you have big muscles. You are healthy and have big muscles…”

I don’t know when I’ll be able to coax him out again, but it probably won’t be soon. If you want to leave a message, I’ll try to pass it along with his next meal.

– Big Buddy, human caretaker (not butler or servant) to Little Buddy the Cat